What if you could spend all your time with people and in situations that uplift you? This question resonates deeply as we navigate through life's complexities. Embracing our values is essential in guiding us toward fulfilling experiences and relationships.
When I create a character, one of the first things I consider is, what do they value? Usually, there's a conflict between what they value and what they think they want. The character isn't living her values, and until she does, she can't succeed. There's a disconnect between her actions and the person she needs to be.
Recently, I've been reflecting on the concept of the hero's journey in fiction and how it can be applied to our own lives. At a certain point in the hero's journey, the protagonist makes a crucial choice. This moment often involves a realization that the current behaviors and patterns are not serving her well. To succeed, she needs to take act like the person she wants to be, for the life she wants to have.
Recognizing the Need for Change
For example, in my mid-fifties, I came to a realization: I was terrible at dating. (I really wish I would have figured this out sooner). I kept ending up with the wrong guys, because I didn't know how to set boundaries and filter out the Mr. Wrong's.
So, I hired a dating coach. He provided one crucial piece of advice that changed everything: identify your top five values in a partner, and only continue dating men with those five qualities. But there was a catch: one of these values had to be that he was crazy in love with me, leaving me with only four additional values to select. Having to narrow my "must have's" down to five things forced me to focus on what really mattered.
Setting Boundaries with Clarity
This approach also streamlined my dating experiences. By understanding my values, I could assess potential partners quickly. If a date didn't align with my values, I could say no earlier on in the relationship, when there was less at stake. Admittedly, initially saying "no" was intimidating, but it got easier over time. It took a year of bad dates, but I finally found Mr. Right. We're currently engaged.
This newfound clarity didn't stop at dating. I decided to extend a values-approach into other aspects of my life. I reflected on my values with my work and within various organizations I was a part of. By understanding what I wanted to gain and contribute, I could politely decline opportunities or requests that didn’t serve my goals. This value-based approach made my decisions more straightforward and meaningful.
Choosing Meaningful Challenges
Does this mean I have never faced a bad day since?
Nope.
But now, the vast majority of my challenges are ones I've chosen. This perspective gives meaning to my challenges, transforming them from burdens into choices with a purpose.
This is about more than simply saying no; it’s about saying yes to the things that matter most.
Finding Your Values
So, how can you identify your core values? Start by reflecting on moments that brought you joy or fulfillment. Consider the following questions:
What experiences have made you feel truly alive?
What qualities do you admire in others?
What principles guide your decisions?
What activities make you lose track of time?
What do you want your legacy to be?
Take time to answer these questions honestly. Your responses will help you uncover the values that resonate most with you. Once you have identified your top five values, use them as a compass for decision-making.
Applying Your Values in Daily Life
After you've identified your values, the next step is to apply them in your daily life. Here are some practical ways to do this:
Set Boundaries: Use your values to determine what you will and won’t accept in relationships, work, and other areas of your life. I look at this more as releasing what you'll no longer tolerate than as boundaries that others may not cross.
Make Decisions: Refer to your values when faced with choices. Ask yourself, “Does this align with my values?”
Seek Supportive Environments: Surround yourself with people who share similar values and uplift you.
Reflect Regularly: Take time to reassess your values and ensure they still resonate with you.
By consistently applying your values, you will create a more fulfilling and authentic life.
The Hero's Journey in Your Life
Like the heroes in stories, we all face challenges and choices that shape our journeys. Embracing our values can empower us to navigate these challenges with purpose. When we recognize that our choices stem from our core values, we can take control of our lives, much like a hero in a story.
In the hero's journey, there's a point where a friend or mentor gives the hero advice--that kick in the pants that sets her on the correct course. As you embark on your journey, remember that it’s okay to seek help. Whether through a coach, mentor, or supportive friend, having someone to guide you can make a significant difference.
Embracing Your True Self
Ultimately, the goal is to live authentically, aligned with your values. This journey is about discovering who you are and what you truly want out of life. Like the hero in a mystery novel, by making choices that reflect your values, you create a life filled with meaning and fulfillment.
If you find yourself feeling lost or disconnected, take a step back and evaluate your values. Are you living in alignment with them? If not, it may be time to make adjustments and embrace the journey ahead.
In a world full of distractions and societal expectations, it’s easy to lose sight of what matters. By identifying and embracing your values, you can navigate your own hero's journey with clarity and purpose.
The power to create a fulfilling life lies within you. As you make choices aligned with your values, you'll find yourself surrounded by uplifting people and experiences that enrich your life.
Kommentare